The Choice

Very interesting article on what it is we are actually choosing between when we compare Obama and Clinton.


That link may not be around forever and I'm not very savvy in the ways of making things stay around on the internet, so let me know if you want to read it after it's gone (I have a copy of it I can forward to you).

Corrected

I've been meaning to write this entry for a while. Usually I think of something I want to write about and I put it off in the name of focusing on my tasks at hand. And then time slips by fast and furious and the thought becomes forgotten, or more tragically, obsolete. This entry is important. It's so overdue it is now awkward, cliche, overdone, but it's still important, so I'm going to push aside relevance and say it. Short and sweet like.

I stand corrected. I was wrong. And I'm happy about it (shocking to hear/read me say that, I know).

A few weeks back I wrote an entry titled Physicianhood and talked about the lack of political engagement from folks in this country. Well, I stand corrected. The last 2 months (and really this last month) have seen an incredible surge of passion and concern from people everywhere in this country. My fellow medical students got excited about the caucus. They attended, they volunteered, they buzzed. The anticipation made it feel like Christmas morning. It's hard to know what it is. Maybe people are fed up, maybe people are scared, maybe people suddenly understand that politics really do effect their day to day lives, maybe people are inspired. Perhaps it's the fact that the image of the politician is getting reshaped. It's no longer just an older white male, entrenched and overdone. A politician can be female, it can be black, it can be young, it can be inexperienced, it can make mistakes, it can change it's mind. And a politician has the potential to be anyone. The cynic in me says it's a trend - it's the hip thing to do right now. Politicking has new faces, new controversy - those things create popularity. Those things get stale. But my optimist tells me to believe that this is the beginning of a new phase in our country's history. It's a baby step towards recognition of what it truly means to be a member of this world. And it's a motion, a small gesture towards changing our unsustainable ways.

Of course, more needs to happen. None of the candidates are putting forth proposals for real change. They are magicians, we are willfully enthralled. But maybe our country needs illusions of change before we can embrace the real thing. A model before construction, a dress rehearsal before the show.

Still, for now, I'm content, gleeful even, to be proven wrong.

I'd love to write more, but medical beckons with the crooked, scolding finger of an old lady.

Downsides

There are some things I love about medical school. These days, I talk about all of the things I dislike about medical school. There is so much to complain about: the busy work, the long hours, the anxiety, the feeling of perpetual incompetence. In truth, most of those negatives are just talking points, things we (medical students) use to keep the conversation going, things we use to mar the fantasies that others have about medical school. When one gets past the long hours and tedious studying, we are lucky to be learning such amazing things and privileged to get to enter into that sacred healer-patient relationship.

What is hard, what lacks any sort of consolation prize, are the relationships that are drastically altered. I knew before I started that there was sacrifice involved in this process. And I knew that I would change, my life would change. But I did not expect such an erosion of my friendships. Some of my conversations have become hollow and rushed, remnants of what once were full-bodied, lively relationships. Now exchanges are empty and the awkwardness is amplified by the echoes of experiences once shared. There was no natural end to the friendship, no easy fade-away. Instead, the separation was sudden, drastic. We were both pulled apart and thrown into our respective realities - neither party has had time to adjust to the changes, and we are left with a disconnect between the reality of our situation and the lingering memories of a friendship that once was. And this is pervasive - with my closest friends, my oldest friends, and my family. (Although an interesting side note is that some of my relationships (most familial) have improved since starting medical school, likely due to an increase in the level of respect afforded me - I can now be taken seriously, and, since communication was sparse B.M. (before medicine), the time constraint had no negative impact).

To clarify, I am not writing off my B.M friends, I know that my friendships will last this - the bonds are strong and those people I love are even stronger. Time and distance impact, but they do not destroy. But it is hard to watch this transformation without trying to control it. This will elicit groans, I am sure, but it is reminiscent of a doctor who has to accept that a patient will suffer before he or she will improve.

So this is one of those unexpected, slap-in-the face side effects of medical school. This is part of that change in identity that they talk about on the first day of medical school. It is hard to maintain connections with people you love while fostering new friendships in such an intense, demanding environment. And I know that these are choices I make, and I guess that’s what makes this so hard. Certainly the structure of medical school is not conducive to relationships, but I’m not a huge fan of using that as an excuse for choices I make. I used to think I was stronger than that. I guess that's why they teach us that song in preschool.

"Make new friends, but keep the old ones
One is silver and the other's gold."

An Opinion